Eye Candy: Big Top adventure

Photo: Johnny Lopera

Eye Candy will be on holiday hiatus next week, so I wanted to leave y'all with something truly memorable until the next post: sexy clowns. Many people have strong feelings about clowns, and they give some of the Unzipped staff nightmares. In fact, the cult classic Killer Klowns From Outer Space permanently traumatized our web designer as a child—which is curious, considering he is the creator of the Halloweenies. Personally, I find clowns to be non-threatening, and under the right circumstances, perversely appealing. Titan Media even went so far as casting Tony Buff in a circus-themed porno called Funhouse. But, clown phobic or not, one would be hard-pressed to deny the excellent execution of these photos by the fabulous Johnny Lopera. Jump to see more.

P.S. Have a great holiday everyone!

Colby the Christian Robot!

Welcome to the world of Christian television for young people, where everyone is secretly gay (including the robot), and 99 out of 100 children are white. Enjoy your acid trip during the last sixty seconds.

Also, the boy in the yellow is clearly The Devil.

(Everything Is Terrible)

An update on Damon Kruezer's fake movie!

A few weeks ago, the fake website for a fake movie that is not being made, "Brad's Buddies 2," brought us some easy laughs (remember the pegasus on crystal?). But today, there is actual phony pre-production news about this phony movie, courtesy of phony producer and authentic cyberstalker Damon Kruezer.

And now, we will screen cap the shit out of this website and make fun of it again, for more dumb laughs...

NSFW: Chimp attack victim reveals her face to Oprah

Earlier this year, Charla Nash was mauled by her friend's chimp and lost most of her face. You probably remember this story. Today, Nash went on Oprah and revealed her disfigured face for the first time. If you're wondering how disturbing these pictures are, the fact that I've put them after the jump should be a hint.

Yes, a chimp did this:

Eye Candy: Double-header

Photo: Ram Sergill

Some say two heads are better than one. I tend to agree. And it seems that photographer Ram Sergill does as well, as his session with models wearing phallic hats suggests. Although, depending on one's definition of head, Mr. Shergill may actually find three heads to be better than one.

Watch out Mickey, Uncle Karl is looking for a mousehole

Photo: Fashion Indie

Of all the thousands of celebrities on the planet to make a toy of, Karl Lagerfeld is certainly one of the most unlikely. But, the monochromatic designer has already been represented as a teddy bear and an action figure. Now, Anna from The House of Mouse has created Karl Lagermouse.  Can a Karl Lagerfeld Barbie be far behind?

Zeb Atlas in a really weird music video

Need something insane to start your week off right? Look, it's a Monday morning after a very long weekend, so I'm gonna have to keep this brief. In fact, I'll just straight up blockquote part of the You Tube description and leave it at that, because, uhhhhh:

Night Dance Records are proud to present once again legendary disco diva Pearly Gates and her new video "Stop For Love". Here she teams up with special guest star Zeb Atlas as her romantic love interest.

Zeb was similarly romantic when he fucked Adam Killian.

Salsa dog

Once you've given your dog a massage, she'll be more than willing to dance with you.

Laughing at a poor animal's expense is never cool, but try not to while watching this sexy bitch show off her moves.

"Welcome to the wonderful world of dog massage."

And if you think I won't be busting out some of these moves on the first guy dumb/drunk enough to go home with me this weekend, think again. The singing towards the end is epic.

Swisher Saves the Gays

We are now going to write about urination. You have been warned.