Sexy Times: Teabagger wants to learn how to "network"

Oh jesus fucking christ...here we go! The first videos are trickling (oozing?) out of this weekend's Teabagger Convention in Nashville, and here's a fun one. It's Tania Ashe, who has literally made love to a horrifying poster of a retard. Also, she'd like to "learn more about networking," which in Tea Party Land means "find like-minded racists with junior high school educations."

California Senate candidate Tom Campbell is a Furry

Republican Carly Fiorina wants to be a Senator here in California so bad, but first she'll need to destroy her fellow Republican challenger Tom Campbell. What to do, what to do? First, hire a night terror-inducing voice-over actor to narrate your ad, then spend thousands of dollars (that's fiscal conservatism!) on sheep, and, last but not least, cast a Furry with demon laser eyes as your political opponent. It's at 2:26. 2:26!

ADDED: Another candidate wants in on the demon-furry-sheep meme. These people want to be my Senator!

Also: LOL.

Does John Edwards have a big dick?

Ugh:

John Edwards and Rielle Hunter made a sex tape that contains "several sex acts." The tape, say both our sources, is explicit and reveals that Edwards "is physically very striking, in a certain area. Everyone who sees it says 'whoa'. She's behind the camera at first."

"It [the tape] was kind of the last straw for people who had sacrificed savings and jobs to lie for John," said one of our sources.

John Edwards admits to being the father of his baby

Former almost vice president John Edwards has confessed to being the father of that baby, Trig, who he made with that lady when his wife was (is?) dying of cancer.

Edwards' consultant crawled out of a dumpster and issued a statement this morning, which reads in part, “It’s a lot more complicated, I think, than most people think...There are a lot of adults involved, and I think they wanted to handle this the right way for [the children.]" 

Good. Now how complicated is it to go away?

Nude centerfold Senator Scott Brown offers up daughters to teabaggers, will soon be nude centerfold President!(??)

Whoa is this Scott Brown dude fucking insane? Yes! He is! I like him already. In his victory speech last night in Massachusetts, the naked Cosmo model told his teabagger crowd that they could have sex with his daughters, Arianna Huffington and American Idol's Kelly Clarkson, for freedom! Then, Brown said that he would win the White House away from the black man after he beats him in a game of basketball.

And like clockwork, here's Drudge with an assist. Brown/Palin '12!

Nude centerfold Scott Brown will be a Senator tonight

Nearly six months ago, it was fun to make fun of this former Cosmo hunk, Scott Brown, because he, a Republican, thought he could win old dead Ted Kennedy's Senate seat in Massachusetts. Today, it is equally as fun to look at the polls and see that he's actually about to win! His Democratic opponent is awful, so this isn't a surprise, but do the people of liberal Massachusetts hate Obama and health care and the gays (who are forcing people to get gay married in the Bay State) enough to elect this teabagger favorite?

Sarah Palin will now be paid to appear on Fox News

Sarah Palin and Fox News. Such an unlikely pairing!

Palin, who resigned as governor of Alaska last summer, will appear as a commentator on various Fox shows. She will also host an occasional program that will examine inspirational tales involving ordinary Americans.

Inspirational tales. So, shows about death panels, Bristol's teen pregnancy, shooting wolves from helicopters, and Trig. Ratings will be through the roof, naturally.

Oh, Matt Drudge

"Big Lez Sis" Janet Napolitano stares longingly at a female body scan, in one of Drudge's not-so-subtle juxtapositions. He's been gay-baiting the Homeland Security Director for months, which is delightfully ironic.

Meanwhile, wingnut commenters at Althouse are foaming at the mouth, as usual:

...I have an 11-year-old daughter. And I don't want you fucking lesbian perverts in the Democrat Party trying to get a full frontal body shot of her just because she's flying to see her grandmother for Christmas.

Keep your lesbo security agents away from my kid.

A gay conservative's love of Sarah Palin is hindering his dating life

In a post titled "Some Gay Lefties Won't Date Palin Supporters," blogger B. Daniel Blatt says that "expressing support for [Palin] or commitment to the basic principles of (or advocacy for) the GOP certainly reduces the number of potential dates" for him. In other news, some gay lefties also won't date people who are mentally retarded.

Blatt blogs for Gay Patriot, "the Internet home for the American gay conservative," not that there's anything wrong with that. He writes:

A long time ago, when I was new to the incredible intolerance of the gay left, it used to bother me when gay lefties who, initially eager to go out with me, would find their attraction turn to aversion when they learned my political affiliation. But, as time passed, I began to see the benefits to an early (political) coming out. You see, it gives us gay Republicans a great way to measure the character of our potential partners.

Blatt doesn't say whether or not he would date someone who was, say, a Barack Obama supporter, but one can only assume that he would, otherwise he'd be a hypocrite. So, if you're a liberal in West Hollywood, go to his blog and ask him out! Show him how tolerant gay lefties can be. Plus, he's cute and if all else fails, there's nothing hotter than a partisan hate fuck.

Hooray! Sarah Palin is a Birther

I'm surprised this didn't happen sooner, but better late than never, right? Sarah Palin admitted to being a Birther yesterday during an appearance on some wingnut's (think a low rent Glenn Beck) talk radio show. 

When asked whether she thought Obama's birth certificate would be an issue for her should she run for President in 2012 (please, do this!), she said:

"...The public rightfully is still making it an issue...I don't have a problem with that. I don't know if I would have to bother to make it an issue, because I think that members of the electorate still want answers."

Later, this bag of soggy dildos dutifully brought up her son Trig—because there cannot be a Sarah Palin interview without Sarah Palin mentioning Trig, who in case you did not know is a special needs child, hello—by saying:

"...that weird conspiracy theory freaky thing that people talk about that Trig isn't my real son, and a lot of people that went 'Well, you need to produce his birth certificate, you need to prove that he's your kid,' which we have done, but yeah, so maybe we can reverse that, and use the same [inaudible] thinking on the other one."

Wow! You know, it takes a special kind of sociopath to use the rumors—which have been cruel and insensitive rumors—surrounding your own child's birth and "reverse that" in order to appeal to the most racist backwoods Kool-Aid-drinking shitbirds in America. That was such a "weird conspiracy theory freaky thing" they did to my baby but who cares let's do it to the President I mean did you know he's black?

Audio of Sarah Palin whoring out her baby in order to carry Florida and Ohio in 2012 is after the jump...