Birther Queen Orly Taitz has a tight wet pussy

Lawyer/dentist/real estate agent and amazing leader of the Birthers Orly Taitz got into some sort of disagreement with one of her Birther subordinates sometime in the past, and he filed some sort of lawsuit against her which was subsequently dismissed because jesus fucking christ, they're Birthers.

Luckily, the Orange County Register got a hold of the affidavit (pictured above) from plaintiff "Lucas Smith," who, in addition to claiming that Orly Taitz asked him to perjure himself, goes into great length about her sexual prowess: Hotter, hornier, wetter, tighter! So, yeah. Just thought you'd like to know about this.

Here's Ms. Taitz leading a protest yesterday against Bill O'Reilly, who apparently had a moment of clarity when he called her a nut:

(Via Wonkette.)

New Obama pot policy: Spark it up!

Those of you who live in one of the fourteen states that have already legalized marijuana (Alaska, California, Colorado, Hawaii, Maine, Maryland, Michigan, Montana, Nevada, New Mexico, Oregon, Rhode Island, Vermont and Washington) can now blaze freely without the fear of federal prosecution, provided it's for medical purposes:

Federal drug agents won't pursue pot-smoking patients or their sanctioned suppliers in states that allow medical marijuana, under new legal guidelines to be issued Monday by the Obama administration. Two Justice Department officials described the new policy to The Associated Press, saying prosecutors will be told it is not a good use of their time to arrest people who use or provide medical marijuana in strict compliance with state law.

This isn't just a victory for medical marijuana users, it's also a win for states' rights advocates, some of whom have been very anti-Obama and anti-big government. So, how will these teabaggers spin this to fit their narrative that Obama is still a socialist-Marxist trying to turn America into a Swedish Kenya?

Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize, everyone loses their shit

Whether or not you think it's a good thing that Obama surprisingly picked up the Nobel Peace Prize this morning, shouldn't you at least think that this is a good thing for America?

Not if you're a Republican:

"I did not realize the Nobel Peace Prize had an affirmative action quota for it, but that is the only thing I can think of for this news...The Peace Prize reaffirms it is a joke. But now a sad joke."

A sad joke. Such tricky language for a prize you admit to never taking seriously anyway. If they had awarded it to Dick Cheney, would it just be a regular old "funny" joke then?

But don't worry, the Democrats are just as full of hyperbole:

"The Republican Party has thrown in its lot with the terrorists -- the Taliban and Hamas this morning -- in criticizing the President for receiving the Nobel Peace prize."

Have a nice day, children.

This was a really good idea

Since conservatives are already so fond of schoolchildren singing songs in praise of President Obama, I'm sure this video of schoolchildren singing about health care reform will be equally embraced by those on the right. Now, the next 24-hour news cycle won't be about how close we are to actually passing a bill, but about how Obama is using Miley Cyrus to brainwash children into wanting a public option. Thanks for making the complex issue of health care reform so much easier to debate, CNN!

Does the Obama family piss you off?

These panelists sure don't like them. But don't worry, the new Michelle, Sasha, and Malia look fantastic.

Sexy teabagger/birther/deather pics from Saturday's Klan rally in D.C.

Photos: NineTwelvePhotos

Real America™ was out in full force this weekend to protest our nation's first Russian-Indonesian President, Barry Nobama. They had signs! They had costumes! They actually had no idea what they were protesting against!

Cable teevee goblin Glenn Beck and a flurry of conservative groups mobilized old white men (and the white women who love them) to march on Washington D.C. this past Saturday, 9/12. See, 9/12 is very close to 9/11 (only one day apart!), so this demonstration was in honor of those who died, and racism.

Liberals and conservatives are arguing over just how many people attended this thing—some estimates had the crowd at tens of thousands while others said there were up to two million—but I read online that it was more like 15 or 20 million. In fact, one website said there were up to 45 million. So, if you average it all out and compare it with the pics from the demonstrators and the traffic cam stills, there were obviously 90 million people there.

Now, see the beautiful pictures from this event that will make you proud to be an American, after the jump.

GOP congressman turns Obama speech into wingnut townhall

Decorum! It is such a hard thing to have today, especially under the leadership of a Communist Hawaiian president. For example, listen to Joe Wilson, a Republican congressman from South Carolina, yell "You lie!" in the clip below when Obama says that his health care reform efforts would not insure illegal immigrants, which is true.

Did Joe Wilson bring his gun, like so many racists do when attending meetings about health care? I can't tell. But, one thing is certain: Nancy Pelosi was shocked! You can (almost) see it in her face.

Rush Limbaugh: Obama wants your foreskin

Last week, it was reported that public health officials and the CDC were considering promoting circumcision for baby boys in an effort to reduce HIV transmission. This has been successful in reducing infections in the third world, so why not try it in America, which is not a third world nation?

Whether or not this new promotional push will actually happen is still being weighed, and even if it is, circumcision will only be promoted, not mandated. 

But, if you are Rush Limbaugh, this of course means that Obama is simply going to chop your dick off, tomorrow, and feed your foreskin to the Obama family dog, Bo, who is a Marxist...

Thank you, Barney Frank!

Two words: EPIC. WIN.

Steve Urkel has a machine gun

Yesterday, "Chris" brought his pet assault rifle to an Obama town hall in Arizona. And while it may have appeared that he was simply a lone citizen expressing himself (with a gun), the above clip shows him and all his conspiracy theorist friends plotting out their day of stagecraft. After these Paultards jerk off to their Ayn Rand books, they then upload these shit shows to their You Tube accounts.

"Chris" and 12 others brought guns to the event yesterday, but none of them fired a single shot, because they are pussies.