[UPDATED] Here ya go: Levi Johnston's first Playgirl pic

Really?

Queer Click writes that Playgirl "just sent" this picture over to them, and the first full set of 25 photos will be up "in a few minutes." The Playgirl site confirms that the photos are indeed up, but if you think I'm spending $20 to see Levi in black and white, and from the shoulder up(!)...well...alright...I considered it! But, sorry. No thanks. Based on this photo, this is going to be even worse than we thought. The first teaser pic, which is called a "teaser" because it's supposed to be a tease, is THIS?

All that being said, getting the Bristol ring finger tattoo in the shot is fucking brilliant.

Ugh...more to come, obviously.

UPDATE: And...we have ass, kids. We have glorious creamy Levi ass. We also have pubes! I take back what I said above. The photos are good, despite the fact that he's hiding his cock with his hand.

AND: Some of those links aren't working now. Here:

One more, after the jump:

BREAKING: Levi Johnston working alongside—and pleasuring—homosexuals!

This week, Levi Johnston expressed his indignation over accusations by former Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin (the grandmother of his child with daughter Bristol Palin) that he was an "aspiring porn [star]." Johnston told E! Online's Marc Malkin, "I don't want that image. I don't want to get into porn."

However, Unzipped has uncovered a startling fact: By posing nude in Playgirl magazine Johnston has, indeed, becoming intimately involved with the porn industry. And even more shocking was the revelation that he was recruited into a site that caters to homosexuals and also employs gay XXX film stars.

Read our in-depth investigation with photographic evidence after the jump.

Levi Johnston's first Playgirl photo

We won't be seeing cock, but we do have armpit!

Kudos to Playgirl for finally updating their website with the acknowledgment that Levi Johnston will soon be "nude":

Levi Johnston gets naked for PLAYGIRL.com! Our photo shoot with Levi this past Thursday and Friday was outstanding! Stay tuned in the next few days for the first of several steamy photo sets of Alaska's hottest hunk. Become a member of PLAYGIRL.com and see Levi Johnston nude!

Remember, "Levi Johnston nude" does not mean "Levi Johnston full frontal," but there's no shame in masturbating to his creamy butt cheeks, which I'm pretty sure you'll get to see. The question is, will you spend $19.95 to do so, or will you download the pictures from Rapidshare for free?

There will be no peen

Sorry whores (myself included), but you won't be seeing Levi Johnston's big fat icicle on Playgirl.com. The online mag's spokesperson just told Gawker:

"He did not give 'full-frontal' as his manager Tank Jones reported he would. We're thrilled with the photos we got, and are confident people will love them. Although there may be glimpses, we did not get full on frontal nudity."

Sure, blame it on the manager. At the end of the day, the only one to blame is Levi. If he had the balls, he would've done it. Pun definitely intended.

And, in fairness to Playgirl, I know exactly how they feel right about now.

Sarah Palin laments Levi Johnston's foray into "porn"

Here it is, the Oprah and the Sarah Palin thing, from this afternoon. This clip suits our purposes because it has to do with Levi, but you can watch the other enlightening segments here. For example, Sarah Palin quit her job so she could write Facebook notes about "death panels" and lose elections for wingnuts in upstate New York. But that is not what this is about! This is about Levi, his porn gig, his baby, and "Hollywood Ricky." Watch it.

Breaking: Levi Johnston used a hockey stick

Photo: Getty

Because a fig leaf wouldn't have been big enough?

"The shoot was fantastic!" Johnston's manager, Tank Jones, tells Us of Johnston's New York [Playgirl] session, adding that the nude model wasn't nervous in the slightest. "We're having a lot of fun with it," Jones teases.

And, ahem, how much did Bristol Palin's hockey-playing ex reveal? "People are going to see more of Levi than they thought...There was a hockey stick involved."

Diesel Washington welcomes Levi Johnston to New York

Oh my GOD.

Here's Levi Johnston leaving the Fleshbot awards, as filmed by none other than Diesel Washington, who also attended the event. Note Diesel's welcome at the end of the clip.

After the jump, another Diesel video of Levi inside the party...

Levi Johnston threatens Twitter

In between suing for joint custody of his son, Trapeze, and posing semi-nude for a gay pornographic website, Levi Johnston has made some time to become very pissed at the social networking site for porn stars and Kirstie Alley, Twitter. Someone was impersonating Levi, on the Twitter, and while you might think that Levi would consider this flattering and harmless, you need to remember that this is Levi Johnston. There are so many things he has not yet done which could bring him publicity! For example, threatening Twitter.

Levi's rep released the following statement:

My client, Levi Johnston, is being impersonated on your media (Twitter) and this is leading to libel and slanderous statements being attributed to him. ... We want you to put an immediate end to this illegal activity. ... You are being used as a medium to promote this illegality and we want immediate action. ... You are now on notice and must take steps to put an end to what is clearly against the law and against your policy. ... We want to know what steps you will be taking to correct what is clearly a problem which is escalating."

So, wait, there were people who actually believed that Levi Johnston was actually on Twitter, which would involve Levi Johnston using a computer and Levi Johnston typing words?

Follow Unzipped on Twitter!

Marcus Patrick proves that a non full-frontal shoot is still hot

Photo: Playgirl

If you've been concerned about whether or not Levi Johnston will go full-frontal for Playgirl (it seems he will?), and whether a non full-frontal shoot can be just as hot as one that shows cock, look no further than Marcus Patrick's Playgirl spread from a few years ago. Marcus showed pretty much everything, without really showing everything, and the results were tremendous. Don't you agree?

See Marcus' semi full-frontal images that were too racy to post here, on Below the Belt! Levi's will probably be similarly shot.

Sarah Palin called Trig "retarded"

If you believe Levi Johnston, Sarah Palin referred to her baby as a retard on multiple occasions. This is funny when one considers that Sarah Palin is an actual retard and her baby just has Down syndrome.

Also, Levi told CBS this morning that Sarah was a terrible mother, and that he has even more information on the unemployed lady that could "really hurt her." I really want to believe Levi Johnston, but I'll need to see him fully naked on the Playgirl website first. Yes, I'll trust anyone who shows me his penis.

Watch the video after the jump.