Here's Kris Allen's new single

Remember Kris Allen? No? Remember how much attention he used to get here? Me neither. Well, here he is with a new song. It's called "Live Like We're Dying." It sounds like something they would play on the radio, so if you are someone who regularly listens to the radio, you'll like it. That's all I got.

Kris Allen is "flattered"

Earlier this week we told you how Adam Lambert admitted to Rolling Stone that he was "distracted" by being roomies with the "cute guy" who's "totally his type," Kris Allen. Because you've been breathlessly awaiting a follow-up on the star-crossed lovers, here ya go:

Allen's response? "I'm flattered," the Idol winner tells People exclusively, "And think it's hilarious."

Can these two please just dry hump and get it over with?

Adam Lambert: Coming out to Rolling Stone "cool"

Photo: Rolling Stone

Well, this didn't make me roll my eyes as much as I thought it would. Adam Lambert's Rolling Stone interview has been released, and it's surprisingly refreshing. One tidbit, however, has him walking on VERY thin ice in my book.

On "coming out": "Right after the finale, I almost started talking about it to the reporters, but I thought, I'm going to wait for Rolling Stone, that will be cooler. I didn’t want the Clay Aiken thing and the celebrity-magazine bullshit. I need to be able to explain myself in context. I'm proud of my sexuality. I embrace it. It's just another part of me."

Nice, but many people might consider Rolling Stone a "celebrity magazine," and I hope Adam has extra security to deal with the rabid Claymates who are now plotting his demise.

He goes on: "I was worried that [coming out] would be so sensationalized that it would overshadow what I was there to do, which was sing. I'm an entertainer, and who I am and what I do in my personal life is a separate thing. it shouldn't matter. Except it does. It's really confusing."

Relax, dude. It's only confusing to the 18 bazillion 12-year-old girls whose dreams you just crushed into a sad pile of colorless rainbows.

The unicorn whisperer also tells the mag that he was inspired to audition for Idol after doing drugs at Burning Man, he loves attention from female fans, and that being on the show was the only way he felt he could be taken seriously in the music industry. Sure you weren't on drugs when you had that last revelation, Adam?

But when it comes to his reaction to being partnered up with a certain other contestant on the show, this is where I had to stop reading and take several deep breaths into a brown paper bag. As you might know, Adam and Kris Allen shared a room together, and it turns out my suspicions about Adam lusting after my not-so-secret pretend boyfriend were true all along: "They put me with the cute guy (Allen). Distracting! He's the one guy I found attractive in the whole group on the show: nice, nonchalant, pretty, and totally my type — except that he has a wife. I mean, he's open-minded and liberal, but he's definitely 100% straight."

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Read more here, and find out if Adam ever tucked when he did drag.

So does this mean Kris Allen is a bottom?

Sorry if you have to sit through some awful ad after pushing play, but the clip that follows is worth your time, especially when they get to the bunk bed question. Of course, I already know the answer to the question in the title of this post, but it seems these two might be trying to give you some clues. Would you let Adam Lambert top you?

A face I'm all too familiar with...

The face of a winner, that is!

Kris, his parents (or, as I like to call them, "Mom and Dad"), his "wife" (ha!) and I have been celebrating all night and we haven't had a wink of sleep. But that's nothing new for Kris and me, if you catch my drift. It's been one hell of a ride, and now we can put this whole thing behind us and work on our duets album. Well, after the tour, of course.

Yes, that's right, I'll be blogging for Unzipped from the road as I join Kris and the others for the nationwide tour. What, you think I'd allow Kris to be out there alone on some tour bus with that flamboyant show pony with the wandering eye—the blind contestant Scott MacIntyre? Think again.

Now, for any of you thinking that Adam Lambert didn't win because America hates gay people, don't be so sure. Adam was gay when he beat out all the dozens of other contestants, week after week, so his glittery fabulousness obviously wasn't a problem then. Adam didn't win because at the end of the day, Kris' voice appeals to a broader range of mainstream, middle-American voters. And look at the bright side, Adam Lambert will go on to be known simply as "Adam Lambert," not the dreaded "American Idol winner," a title that has routinely been of no help to the majority of past winners.

All in all, it's a win-win for everyone. Because even when the fanfare for Kris dies down and he fades into Taylor Hicks-level obscurity...he'll still have me.

Thanks to all of you who voted for Kris, and we'll be seeing you on the road real soon!

Which one of these dreamboats is going to win American Idol

I will cut right to the chase, because really, I am more bored with writing about these two than you are reading about them here, if you can believe that. Plus, Kris is waiting for me to come join him in the Jacuzzi, where we will feed each other strawberries and whipped cream Cool Hwhip (we're pre-partying before the finale tonight).

So, Adam Lambert and Kris Allen. They are both wonderful, and they will both do just fine, no matter what happens tonight. But play along, won't you?

Kris Allen: Vote for my package

Um, will do! As if you needed another reason to love him:

"For me, I hope that having the Christian vote doesn't help with anything," said Allen, a 23-year-old college student who has worked as a worship leader at the New Life Church in his hometown of Conway, Ark. "I hope it has to do with your talent and the performance that you give and the package that you have. It's not about religion and all that kind of stuff."

Step off, Glambert

Well, well, well. Seems as if someone is trying to make a move on Kris Allen:

Kris performed during Rock week with a painted thumbnail, and his homecoming footage captured the chipped polish.

Tuesday night, however, Kris performed one of the best performances of the night (and the season, might I add) with a freshly painted thumbnail. According to (friend of the Allen family) Megan Malone, Adam painted Kris's thumbnail after the homecoming visits and removed the polish from one of his own nails, stating 'If you can carry around a piece of me, man; I can do the same for you.' Malone said, 'The Allens believe Kris wears the black fingernail polish in support of Adam because he wanted Adam in the finale. Also, Kris wanted to dispel any rumors claiming the two weren’t great friends.' Kris and Adam were roommates in the Idol Mansion throughout their stay.

Nice try Adam, but I've got your number. First you're painting his nails, then you're offering to massage his cock with your tongue. I know how this works, and it's a slippery slope, so to speak. I'll let this one slide, because after all, I can't blame you for trying to impress the most wanted man in America. Plus, Kris already told me when we were in the shower last night that he's just stringing you along so that your guard is down on finale night. But, try this crap again and it's curtains for you.

(On another note: OMG this is the most adorable thing I've ever heard.)

There is a God

See ya never again!

As I always do, I predicted the worst (trust me, it's easier this way) and assumed that Danny Gokey would be in the American Idol finale...and I've never been happier to be so wrong. Hooray!

Never underestimate the power of tween girls and gays with crazy text messaging skills, as we will now have the best finale this train wreck of a show has ever seen. This is not to say that my pick is going to be easy.

Do I vote for my boyfriend Kris and hope that he wins, thus giving him a lonely life on the road touring, where he will be tempted to cheat on me with mangy truckers in 24-hour diners and/or ponytail-wearing, sleazy roadies backstage after his shows? Or do I hope that he loses, in which case he might sink into a deep depression and turn to street drugs, petty theft, and prostitution to try and numb the pain? Gah! Such a dilemma.

For now, just embrace the hotness.

Is Adam Lambert going home tonight?

Well, is he? Because the above performance from Kris was the best of the night and far more original than Adam's botched version of "One." Granted, I may be biased (my long-term relationship with Kris is hardly a secret here), but can any of you deny how smart it was for him to come out there with the guitar and do a hip-hop song?

Also, how cute is Kris? Don't you just want to wrap him up, put him in your pocket, and walk around with his cuteness pressed against you all day long? Has there been a cuter contestant on this show? He's the cutest. He even out-cutes Cuties, and that takes a lot of cuteosity. He's so cute!

Meanwhile, Danny GOHOMEkey continues to terrorize America with his serial killer-edition Lenscrafters and his "singing." If there's one thing I hate more than gospel music, it's someone attempting to put a gospel spin on non-gospel music. And the only thing that scares me more than Danny is Danny's fans. Be afraid of these people, be very afraid.

Unfortunately, the Gokey isn't going anywhere. So it's down to Kris or Adam. Which one of them is going home tonight?