We pray...that this is a joke

Here's one for you Catholics out there.

"A family shouldn't have to wait until Sunday to worship the Lord..."

For the denim fetishist (or the man who loves him): Free shipping & returns on jeans

Photo: MenMachine.com 

Apparel is so much cheaper when you buy it on the Internet. But jeans...normally I'm too nervous to order them online. That's because I usually have to try on several pair to find the most flattering fit, so in-store shopping is a must.

But now Amazon has figured out that free shipping and 100% free returns is the way to reach guys like me.

Amazon opened their first online men's denim store yesterday, and there's no commitment or hassle—all you have to do is order, try them on, and either keep them or return them—your choice.

You can check out their store here. 

Amazon carries Levi's, which has always been supportive of gay causes. Remember that gay Levi's telephone booth commercial that ran on cable last year? I wonder why no other mainstream manufacturer has followed up on that...

Support our supporters—buy some jeans!

Something for the ghoul with everything

Halloween is called the "gay Christmas" and, just like the real Christian Christmas, this is the time of year when all the crazy novelties appear. Except they're for us homosexuals. Yay.

Like our own Halloweenies.

Or this new Fleshjack-in-a-can called Count Cockula. "We guarantee an orgasm that could wake the dead!" says the manufacturer.

Go Below the Belt for more (NSFW) info on this truly bizarre (and bizarrely pleasurable) product.

Sweet potato dildo delight

Photo: Carnage

So there I was, minding my own business, getting stuff done at the office, and suddenly Scott from Square Peg Toys busts in like a dashing gay Tupperware salesman. Under his arm: a crate of eye-poppingly detailed handcrafted silicone dildos. The occasion? A daytime dildo party at Unzipped HQ.

I know, this doesn't happen at the the average workplace. It's never happened to me before!

So I took notes (and photos) so you can see what I saw.

Read on. Your anus (and urethra and mouth) will be delighted...

Unzipping E3

Photo: Carnage

It's hot in the Los Angeles Convention Center. Techno music booms through powerful and omnipresent speakers. The place is packed. And everywhere you turn it's wall to wall men. Sweaty, blissed out dudes playing with joysticks.

No this is not a circuit party.

Or, rather, it is—for gay-mers.

Welcome to the 2009 E3 video game convention, and Unzipped's on site coverage of the event. Over the next two days we will investigate this highly homoerotic annual gathering and bring you the scoop on the newest games and gadgets, as well as the hottest nerds. Hold on tight to your controllers and keep checking back here.

Half-naked farm boys

Photos: Tina Steinauer

Did we get your attention with that headline? Well, evidently, Spiegel wanted to do the same thing. Putting a new spin on the time-honored tradition of getting pretty young farm girls to sprawl on bales of hay, Spiegel Online has produced a new erotic calendar featuring men from Switzerland's rural areas.

Looking to expand in Germany, Speigel recruited some of Switzerland's finer-looking male specimens and got them to strip down and frolic with farm animals for its 2009 calendar, with winning results. "We want to show Switzerland in its best light, the countryside and a bit of its culture," says the calendar's photographer, Tina Steinauer. "My responsibility is to do it in a sexy way." Great. Our only complaint? It's not sexy enough! Next time ditch the creepy farm-animal thing and get these boys to bare more than just their chests, Tina. Sheesh!

See two more pics after the jump.

There's cocaine in Red Bull Cola!

Holy fuck, with all the news about Obama's SCOTUS nominee and Prop. 8, the real story of the week has been obscured: our great nation has been flooded with mass quantities of affordable blow!

Red Bull Cola has cocaine in it, children, and the shit's already been pulled from shops in Germany, though the DEA seems to be a bit behind the curve.

The Daily Mail reports:

Germany is considering a nationwide ban on the high-energy drink Red Bull Cola after traces of cocaine were found in it.

Authorities in the states of Hesse and North-Rhine Westphalia have ordered retailers to stop selling the beverage...

The consumer ministries in the two states confirmed they had ordered retailers to pull the drink off their shelves after a food safety institute in North-Rhine Westphalia found the drug in samples.

That means the drink cannot be classified as a foodstuff but as a narcotic and needs a special licence, authorities said.

It seems that this new Red Bull variant contains "de-cocainized extract of coca leaf" that is apparently not 100% de-cocainized. Score!

So I went out and bought myself a can this morning (in the interest of science, etc.). First impression: RBC is a medicinal-tasting cross between RC Cola and Jolt...and Jågermeister? Then I took a second sip and the cocaine hit me. That buzz, that bitterness... Ah! I can't feel my face!

Walk—no, run—to your nearest beverage store and buy yourself a tall, cold canister of mind-numbing HEAVEN while you still can.

(And listen to a classic coke jam after the jump...)

Hot shirt alert

Image: Homotography

This Peoples Cartel T-shirt is so cool and perfect for pride season, methinks.

Accident-explanatory slings

Photo: bgwkjlvbcxjw

You've been injured. Now you feel like injuring other people because folks keep asking you, "What happened to your arm?"

That's why these amazing accident-explanatory slings were invented.

Now friends and acquaintances merely need to glance at your broken limb and they will know what kind of trauma you've suffered.

Of course, we'd love to see one for "cock-sucking misadventure" and "slipped at the bathhouse," but we're sure those will be coming soon...

Want to woo a cutie? Slip him a meat card

Photo: MeatCards.com

Need a delicious new way to say "Hello"? How about using a piece of beef jerky emblazoned with your company or personal info. Who could forget that?

And who will forget copy like this, taken directly from the Meat Cards site:

We start with 100% beef jerky, and SEAR your contact information into it with a 150 WATT CO2 LASER.

Screw die-cutting. Forget about foil, popups, or UV spot lamination. THESE business cards have two ingredients:
MEAT AND LASERS.

Unlike other business cards, MEAT CARDS will retain value after the econopocalypse. Hoard and barter your calorie-rich, life-sustaining cards.

MEAT CARDS do not fit in a Rolodex, because their deliciousness CANNOT BE CONTAINED in a Rolodex.

Also: TWEETMEAT. Tweet your friends... IN MEATSPACE.