This was a really good idea

Since conservatives are already so fond of schoolchildren singing songs in praise of President Obama, I'm sure this video of schoolchildren singing about health care reform will be equally embraced by those on the right. Now, the next 24-hour news cycle won't be about how close we are to actually passing a bill, but about how Obama is using Miley Cyrus to brainwash children into wanting a public option. Thanks for making the complex issue of health care reform so much easier to debate, CNN!

Sexy teabagger/birther/deather pics from Saturday's Klan rally in D.C.

Photos: NineTwelvePhotos

Real America™ was out in full force this weekend to protest our nation's first Russian-Indonesian President, Barry Nobama. They had signs! They had costumes! They actually had no idea what they were protesting against!

Cable teevee goblin Glenn Beck and a flurry of conservative groups mobilized old white men (and the white women who love them) to march on Washington D.C. this past Saturday, 9/12. See, 9/12 is very close to 9/11 (only one day apart!), so this demonstration was in honor of those who died, and racism.

Liberals and conservatives are arguing over just how many people attended this thing—some estimates had the crowd at tens of thousands while others said there were up to two million—but I read online that it was more like 15 or 20 million. In fact, one website said there were up to 45 million. So, if you average it all out and compare it with the pics from the demonstrators and the traffic cam stills, there were obviously 90 million people there.

Now, see the beautiful pictures from this event that will make you proud to be an American, after the jump.

GOP congressman turns Obama speech into wingnut townhall

Decorum! It is such a hard thing to have today, especially under the leadership of a Communist Hawaiian president. For example, listen to Joe Wilson, a Republican congressman from South Carolina, yell "You lie!" in the clip below when Obama says that his health care reform efforts would not insure illegal immigrants, which is true.

Did Joe Wilson bring his gun, like so many racists do when attending meetings about health care? I can't tell. But, one thing is certain: Nancy Pelosi was shocked! You can (almost) see it in her face.

$4000 for 3/8 of an inch

It's amazing the lengths (terrible pun intended) that some dudes will go to in order to enhance their manhood—both literally and figuratively. For example, did you know that you can have the ligament that holds up your junk snipped so that you get a longer "hang"? Lovely.

For $4000, you can have this procedure and, if you're lucky, it might add 3/8 of an inch to your piece. Even if you're hung like a Teacup Poodle, is it worth it? Watch the video after the jump to see what a schlong surgery looks like. (And yes, this clip gets extremely graphic after the 4:00 minute mark, so proceed with caution.)

The more you drink, the more you work out

After a long night of drinking, I spend the following morning/day/night in my bed with bottles of water, Del Taco, my chihuahua, and porn (not necessarily all at the same time). Well, I must be a total slob (big surprise) because a new study shows that most lushes like to work out and be all "healthy" (boring) following their flaming jager and champagne cocktails (trust me, they're good).

People who drink regularly seem to exercise more often than teetotalers, and those who average more than a drink or two a day may be the most active, a new study suggests. Using data from a government health survey of U.S. adults, researchers found that in general, the amount of time people devoted to exercise tended to inch up along with the number of alcoholic drinks they had each month.

Compared with abstainers, those considered heavy drinkers -- at least 46 drinks in the past month for women, and 76 or more for men -- exercised for an average of 20 minutes more per week. Meanwhile, moderate drinkers -- which included women who had 15 to 45 drinks in a month, and men who had 30 to 75 -- got 10 extra minutes of exercise each week.

Both moderate and heavy drinkers were also more likely to report vigorous exercise, like jogging, than either light drinkers or abstainers, the researchers report in the American Journal of Health Promotion.

Yeah, whatever, they're still gonna die of liver cancer.

Rush Limbaugh: Obama wants your foreskin

Last week, it was reported that public health officials and the CDC were considering promoting circumcision for baby boys in an effort to reduce HIV transmission. This has been successful in reducing infections in the third world, so why not try it in America, which is not a third world nation?

Whether or not this new promotional push will actually happen is still being weighed, and even if it is, circumcision will only be promoted, not mandated. 

But, if you are Rush Limbaugh, this of course means that Obama is simply going to chop your dick off, tomorrow, and feed your foreskin to the Obama family dog, Bo, who is a Marxist...

Breaking: Gay sex leads to Swine Flu

OMG:

Avoiding masturbation and homosexual activities are among preventive measures one could take against Influenza A (H1N1), according to an eminent practitioner of complimentary therapy.

Dr. V. M. Palaniappan said that such activities caused the body to develop friction heat which in turn, produced acid and made the body hyperacidised.

"Thus, the body becomes an easy target for H1N1 infection," he told Bernama, emphasising however, that normal sexual union between members of the opposite sex was absolutely safe.

Well, of course.

Note: The linked article comes from the Malaysian National News Agency. And...wait for it...gay sex is illegal in Malaysia.

Ruh-Roh: Tanning beds as "deadly as arsenic"

While this isn't totally surprising news (getting naked and laying underneath ultraviolet radiation for hours on end has to have some side effects), we're still a little taken aback at just how deadly tanning beds actually are, according to a new study. Turns out the fake 'n' bake chambers that have made otherwise ugly people appear beautiful will straight up kill your ass:

International cancer experts have moved tanning beds and other sources of ultraviolet radiation into the top cancer risk category, deeming them as deadly as arsenic and mustard gas. For years, scientists have described tanning beds and ultraviolet radiation as "probable carcinogens."

A new analysis of about 20 studies concludes the risk of skin cancer jumps by 75 percent when people start using tanning beds before age 30. Experts also found that all types of ultraviolet radiation caused worrying mutations in mice, proof the radiation is carcinogenic.

Disturbing, yes, but nothing looks as good as being orange feels.

A Diesel Washington health update

It was touch and go there for a while, but following the ingrown hair, the dick bite, the friction burns, and being mauled by a twink spider, we're happy to report that Diesel Washington is on the mend! The above picture shows that his spider bite is healing (and that he has an Asian bikini model poster and a paper towel dispenser in his bathroom?), but let's hear it from Diesel himself:

When I went to the doctor.....The Doctor looked at the swollen bump that was on my back, and she was like "Yeah it's Infected!!"!! Long story short, she put me on CEPHALEXIN (kill the infection) gave me extra Gauze and some rolls of paper tape (to apply dressings) I have another appointment for drainage (if needed) and just to keep an eye on the area.

The Pics above are of my bandage, and I thought it would be cool so show what the bandage looks like. So there is the huge Gauze bandage on my back, so THIS WAS REAL PEOPLE!!

The Second picture was just to gross out people!! That is one of Gauze bandages after the bump started draining itself!! IT WAS FUCKING NASTY INSIDE(All brown and yellow puss mixed with blood)

That "second picture" will make you lose your lunch, your dinner, and probably your unborn children. Then again, if you didn't know any better, you might just think it's a diaper filled with a pureed Snickers bar. Click here to see it!

I'm 20!

(Note: This post comes to us from special guest blogger, Markie! What do you think of his suggestion at the end of the entry?)

I've been feeling anxious about my approaching 20 year (!) high school reunion and could use some cheering up. Luckily, there is always popular video blogger/fitness boy/shirtless wonder Davey Wavey to lift my spirits. And, lookie here, he just made the declaration that "35 is the new 18" in his latest video. So, I'm not old after all!(?)

Well, this 37-year-old is not quite sure he's sold. Here's why...