Don't mess with these broads

You're probably wondering what these three elegant ladies are doing here, but don't worry, they are part of a very krazy story, and it involves cock! Cock, and Krazy Glue:

WAUSAU, Wis. — A married man who planned to rendezvous with one of his handful of lovers at an eastern Wisconsin motel instead found himself bound, blindfolded and assaulted by a group of women out for revenge, according to court documents. Four women, including his wife, eventually showed up to humiliate the man, who ended up with his penis glued to his stomach in a bizarre plot to punish him for a lover's quadrangle gone bad.

Not to be rude, but if you're gonna hook up with four different women, shouldn't at least one of them not look like a former cast member of G.L.O.W. on a meth binge? That being said, the one in the middle with the crimped hair is smiling with her eyes while thinking "FML," and I can appreciate that.

Wendy Sewell, Therese Ziemann, 48, of Menasha, Michelle Belliveau, 43, of Neenah, and the man's wife (not pictured) are charged with being party to false imprisonment, a felony. Ziemann also is charged with fourth-degree sexual assault. Criminal complaints filed Friday allege the man agreed to be bound with "sheer sheets" and blindfolded with a pillowcase for a "rub down" by Ziemann. She instead cut off his underwear with a scissors and summoned the others to the room with a text message. Ziemann struck the man in the face, and used Krazy Glue to attach his penis to his stomach when the other women arrived, according to the complaints.

As charming as this white trash lovers' quarrel is, there's one more component needed to make it "perfect."

You know what I'm talking about.

Wait for it...

Ziemann told investigators she met the man online through Craigslist.

It's been seven days, so how's that whole "no more erotic services within seven days" thing on Craigslist working out?

Oh, look, who could have guessed? Ads for bottom bois, professional "massages," and glory-hole blow jobs are still plastered all over Craigslist, seven days after they (Craig?) told everyone that they would stop allowing such FILTHY trash on the Internet, within seven days. Lies!

Of course, this is pleasing to us, as we can still spend our "lunch hour" checking out all the hookers in Los Angeles, and sometimes Orange County!

But the ad we're about to show you, which accompanies the photo above, might be the best ad of all time, at least in the past month. Read the most awesome blow-job offer we've ever read, after the jump.

The difference between "erotic" and "adult" services, according to Craiglist

Well, this was bound to happen. Thanks a lot, murderers. 

Craigslist is pulling all of its "erotic services" content and converting the section to an "adults only" area, which is, you know, completely different than "erotic services." Company employees will now screen all the ads, just like they claimed to do, uh, before.

Facing impassioned politically motivated scrutiny from government officials, the site now claims that its ads will not include porn or offers of prostitution. So, uh, enjoy this new adult section, without the porn or the prostitution.

Now, there will only be ads from "regular" people who are simply looking for "companions." Just send your potential soulmate an e-mail for all the details on how to contact them, and then they will tell you what their in/out rates are, as opposed to listing it publicly on their ad.

And of course, don't forget the masseurs. They'll be in the adult section, too. Nothing whorish or porny about them. Just a guy, who is nude, pouring oil and lotion on another guy, who is also nude, maybe giving his raging cock one or eighty strokes, which may or may not result in an explosive orgasm, for $250. Hardly "erotic." Definitely "adult."

We're so glad that Craigslist is making an effort to clearly define and enact these changes, separating the pornographers and hookers from the serious professionals and people just looking to fall in love. Good luck!

Dream job, anyone?

Did you know that Craigslist is not just a hangout for serial killers and people looking to get rid of their old exuhcize machines? It's true! There are also actual employers on this ridiculously dangerous yet sometimes useful website, and they want to hire you! Maybe.

We found an ad this morning that might interest you, but first ask yourself three questions:

Are you unemployed?

Do you know how to unclog a drain?

Do you like cleaning up other peoples' jizz?

If you answered yes to all three of those questions, you're in luck.

Hey, in this economy, any job is a good job, and have we got a job for you. What better place to channel your inner handyman and/or slutty voyeur by working as a maintenance person in a bathhouse!

Here's the ad:

Full Time Maintenance Person needed for Gay Men’s Bathhouse located in Los Angeles

Requirements
• Maintenance skills include plumbing, electrical, general carpentry, appliance
trouble shooting, tile work, etc.
• Energetic with a positive attitude
• The ability to work well in a high volume/stress environment; bilingual
English/Spanish a plus but not required
• Salary: DOE
• References Required
• Dependable Transportation with Insurance.
• Mileage Reimbursement
• Being available to perform Emergency on-call duties.
• Medical Insurance after 6 months employment
To Apply call 213-680-2766 or apply on line @ midtowne.com

This is actually a nifty joint, SO WE'VE HEARD, and we encourage you to apply. We can't think of a better way to spend eight hours a day than mopping up used condoms, changing red light bulbs, and getting a little action on the side. (Oh, come on, you know it happens.) Apply now!

Craigslist's CEO: Delusional entrepreneur or stand-up comedian?

That Craigslist murder trial sure is taking all the fun out of looking for pathetic/sexy ads on the site. Now whenever we see someone offering to blow us with no strings attached while their wife is on a business trip, we automatically think, "Sounds hot but, ugh, he might be a serial killer."

Luckily, Craiglist CEO Jim Buckmaster (hot name) made us smile and remember the good times on Craiglist when he issued this hilarious and/or possibly insane statement to the Boston Globe:

I would not describe any section of our site as 'sex related.'

He's right. We've never seen anything "sex related" on Craigslist. Ever.

Desperate tea baggers even turning to Craigslist M4M ads

Jesus Christ, make these people just fucking go away:

I am a MWM that enjoys the company of another man as much as anyone. 5'9" 160 blue/brown. However, I'm going to the Dallas Tea Party that's being held downtown and wondered if anyone out there was willing to accompany me.

Wait, is Texas even part of the United States anymore?

Hey, what's going on in New York, where liberal queers have gay abortions and donate their tax refunds to Cuba? Oh, look:

Looking for other hot, muscular guys seeking uninhibited (but safe sex). Email me if you want info about a party TONIGHT, as well as a list of more than 30 sex parties from Chelsea to the Upper West Side, Harlem, Lower East Side, Midtown West, Garment District, Gramercy, Hell's Kitchen, Soho, Morningside, Downtown, Village to Brooklyn & Queen to New Jersey. We're all going to get FUCKED by the gov today--but let's make sure some of us enjoy it.

Now that's more like it.

However, this one gives us a case of the barfs:

Wine and J/O. It is close of business on April 15. All tax returns filed. It is time to celebrate. I have bottle of wine in my office and would like someone to celebrate with. After we toast the end of tax season, we jack off one another. I can't think of a better way to celebrate. I am fifty-three, 5 feet eight", two hundred lbs, hairy, business type. Let's do this now.

These people are all over the place, and we want to throw them in the Boston harbor.