Snoozeflash: Jesus freaks boycott GAP

There are so many reasons to boycott the GAP (hello, ugly clothes?), but the American Family Association would like you to boycott this retail store, along with Old Navy and Banana Republic, because they hate Jesus and will not mention the word "Christmas" in their advertising out of respect for "other" religions.

This kind of thing happens every year, where mouth breathers like the AFA get free press (you're welcome) for playing the War On Christmas card against multi-billion dollar corporations who could give two shits and will still manage to turn a profit thanks to Christians and Jews who could also give two shits about clown farts and their Internet petitions, rendering the whole boycott useless, the end.

But still, go to the AFA website and sign the pledge with an offensive name and write an obscene comment, then go to the GAP and buy something dumb for your aunt. Everyone wins.

For the denim fetishist (or the man who loves him): Free shipping & returns on jeans

Photo: MenMachine.com 

Apparel is so much cheaper when you buy it on the Internet. But jeans...normally I'm too nervous to order them online. That's because I usually have to try on several pair to find the most flattering fit, so in-store shopping is a must.

But now Amazon has figured out that free shipping and 100% free returns is the way to reach guys like me.

Amazon opened their first online men's denim store yesterday, and there's no commitment or hassle—all you have to do is order, try them on, and either keep them or return them—your choice.

You can check out their store here. 

Amazon carries Levi's, which has always been supportive of gay causes. Remember that gay Levi's telephone booth commercial that ran on cable last year? I wonder why no other mainstream manufacturer has followed up on that...

Support our supporters—buy some jeans!

What the heck does Matthew Rush have in his hand?

 
Find out Below the Belt (NSFW!)

Swisher Saves the Gays

We are now going to write about urination. You have been warned.

New AXE ad is the best twink skater porn ever created

Photo: MTV

You may remember 19-year-old pro skater Ryan Sheckler (above) and his rather pointless (but totally boner-inducing) MTV show, Life of Ryan. Well, that program was cancelled almost two years ago (wah!). But now the stud is back in the most insanely hot deodorant commercial we've ever seen on broadcast TV. Check it:

There are even more athletic young dudes showing off their pits at DoublePitsToChesty.com, so check that out if you dig sweaty, manly underarms.

This marriage equality ad is sweet, sad

Some marriage equality ads miss the mark and give me a case of the blahs (i.e. that horrific one with Dianne Feinstein here in California), while others are fantastic and inspire me (at least for a minute) to be a more vocal and passionate supporter of the cause. Well, this is one of those ads (featuring music from the lovely Lisa Hannigan). I feel empowered by posting it! Now, back to hot guys.

This is one horny piece of fruit

Everyone knows that the easiest way to sell candy is to make it sexy, so it only makes sense that candy maker Haribo would push its "MAOAM" (don't ask me how to pronounce that) line of treats by depicting cherries, lemons, and one seriously slutty lime engaging in a fruit orgy. Unfortunately, some boner killer in the UK is not pleased with this packaging, so he went and complained:

Simon Simpkins, a dad of two, said he was shocked at the "pornographic" poses when he bought Haribo's MAOAM sweets for his children. Mr Simpkins of Pontefract, West Yorkshire, told The Sun: "The lemon and lime are locked in what appears to be a carnal encounter. "The lime, who I assume to be the gentleman in this coupling, has a particularly lurid expression on his face."

Haribo thinks its wrappers are just fine, saying that "The jovial MAOAM man is very popular with fans, both young and old."

Totally. Look at how much fun he's having!

And, don't worry, we're already working on having the MAOAM man as our next Unzipped centerfold.

(Via Dlisted.)

A Twilight dildo

First there was wine for gays, and now we have dildos for Twilight fans—Twildos?—who can't get enough vampire dick. Makes sense. Scientific studies have proven year after year after year that gays and vampire lovers are the two demographic groups with the most disposable income.

This phony phallus is called The Vamp, and it retails for under $40:

Who doesn't love those dark and mysterious vamps on the screen and in the books we all thumb through lustfully? That's what we thought. For those of us who fantasize about being spellbound and tantalized by the forbidden comes The Vamp. We promise this vamp won't be the only thing coming for you in the night. The Vamp is a realistic form dildo based appropriately on our Sire's design but with a deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the new moon's glow...Yes, the The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience.

Icy cold, lifeless, pale, pretend penises? Why not save the $40 and just break into a morgue and fuck a real dead person?

Finally! Wine for gay men

Are you gay? Do you like wine? Here then, drink this gay wine:

Uncork the bottle, let it breathe for a while…then pour a brimming glass, examine the color, deep, almost black. Swirl the contents playfully and see how it flows slowly over the surface of the glass. It smells of ripe, dark fruits, fragrant, a steamy jungle, a…

Taste it. Raise the glass to your lips and you’ll notice deep and balanced flavors, they are sumptuous, you can almost chew on them, they fill you.

UO! Wines currently offers three different types of wine for homosexuals, and as you can see from the copy above, they know that in order to sell booze to the gays, it has to sound like you are actually giving the booze a blowjob.

Whatever happened to just drinking wine because you want to get drunk?

Even more underwear from ES Collection

Photos: ES Collection

Last month, we put up some photos from soft core porn outlet underwear designer ES Collection and, well, now we found more.

As you can see from the shot above, it's quite chilly in the mountains, so we're glad at least one of them brought a face mask. See more photos and a behind the scenes video—all designed to make you want to buy underwear—after the jump.