Oh look, Adam Lambert's new album cover

FINALLY. Something happened! In case you haven't noticed, it's been a slow news day. Hello, can someone send me a pic of them in a slutty Halloween costume or something?

Anyways, here's Adam Lambert's new album cover for "For Your Entertainment" and jesus fucking christ you have got to be fucking kidding me.

Did Liza Minnelli and Jocelyn Wildenstein have a baby, or did the graphic designer at the record company drink a bottle of liquid ketamine before turning on his computer? Even the font and the background is insane. It's Starlight Express meets Lambada in some sort of twinks in space fuckery that makes those faggy kids from this morning look butch.

Thanks though, Adam Lambert, for having an album cover that looks like this. I was bored.

(Source: Every Gay Blog On The Internet, but I got it from Popnography.)

Wanna be photographed like this with Adam Lambert? Here's your chance...

Photo: Alexei Hay for Details

Who says dreams don't come true? Details magazine announced an online contest today, with a grand prize of "starring" in a photo shoot with Adam Lambert! OMG, Becky. I die. Apparently the magazine's owners did not anticipate the buzz that Glambert's naughty breeder shoot has already generated, and negotiated this contest beforehand, to ensure an increase in web traffic. Clever.

We hope the winner is a hot male stud and that the session will be as lusty as the November issue's. Maybe we should enter Brent Corrigan, Malachi Marx and Diesel Washington, just for kicks.

Adam Lambert kissed a girl (and touched a boobie) for Details. Did he like it?

Photo: Alexei Hay for Details

Adam Lambert's November Details magazine cover has not yet hit stands, but it is already generating a bigger buzz than his snake on the crotch Rolling Stone cover. The reason: inside the mag, he gets down and dirty with a naked model. A naked female model.

Adam Lambert simply does not care for dildos

The days of holding up your lighter are long gone, and the latest trend for concert goers is to throw dildos at the stage. After two minutes of horrific screeching (both from the fans and from Lambert) see your American Idol runner-up kick a flying rubber penis back into the audience.

Are the people throwing these things doing it to taunt Adam Lambert for being gay, or do they really think that he'll use their sex toys on himself? 

Oh yeah him

Oh hey, remember this guy, "Adam Lambert"? Ha, I don't. Well, his issue of Rolling Stone is the mag's top seller of the year, which of course means that homophobia is over in America. Seriously, do you remember how much of a fixture he used to be here? Now, he might as well have dropped off the face of the earth. 

After reading the last sentence from the linked article above, I'm glad I jumped the Lambert ship long ago. Dead to me:

The singer has teamed up with Lady Gaga producer RedOne for his debut CD, scheduled to be released in the fall.

Kris Allen is "flattered"

Earlier this week we told you how Adam Lambert admitted to Rolling Stone that he was "distracted" by being roomies with the "cute guy" who's "totally his type," Kris Allen. Because you've been breathlessly awaiting a follow-up on the star-crossed lovers, here ya go:

Allen's response? "I'm flattered," the Idol winner tells People exclusively, "And think it's hilarious."

Can these two please just dry hump and get it over with?

Adam Lambert: Coming out to Rolling Stone "cool"

Photo: Rolling Stone

Well, this didn't make me roll my eyes as much as I thought it would. Adam Lambert's Rolling Stone interview has been released, and it's surprisingly refreshing. One tidbit, however, has him walking on VERY thin ice in my book.

On "coming out": "Right after the finale, I almost started talking about it to the reporters, but I thought, I'm going to wait for Rolling Stone, that will be cooler. I didn’t want the Clay Aiken thing and the celebrity-magazine bullshit. I need to be able to explain myself in context. I'm proud of my sexuality. I embrace it. It's just another part of me."

Nice, but many people might consider Rolling Stone a "celebrity magazine," and I hope Adam has extra security to deal with the rabid Claymates who are now plotting his demise.

He goes on: "I was worried that [coming out] would be so sensationalized that it would overshadow what I was there to do, which was sing. I'm an entertainer, and who I am and what I do in my personal life is a separate thing. it shouldn't matter. Except it does. It's really confusing."

Relax, dude. It's only confusing to the 18 bazillion 12-year-old girls whose dreams you just crushed into a sad pile of colorless rainbows.

The unicorn whisperer also tells the mag that he was inspired to audition for Idol after doing drugs at Burning Man, he loves attention from female fans, and that being on the show was the only way he felt he could be taken seriously in the music industry. Sure you weren't on drugs when you had that last revelation, Adam?

But when it comes to his reaction to being partnered up with a certain other contestant on the show, this is where I had to stop reading and take several deep breaths into a brown paper bag. As you might know, Adam and Kris Allen shared a room together, and it turns out my suspicions about Adam lusting after my not-so-secret pretend boyfriend were true all along: "They put me with the cute guy (Allen). Distracting! He's the one guy I found attractive in the whole group on the show: nice, nonchalant, pretty, and totally my type — except that he has a wife. I mean, he's open-minded and liberal, but he's definitely 100% straight."

!!!!!asdklsagsgtw17tw7tsgahj82

Read more here, and find out if Adam ever tucked when he did drag.

So does this mean Kris Allen is a bottom?

Sorry if you have to sit through some awful ad after pushing play, but the clip that follows is worth your time, especially when they get to the bunk bed question. Of course, I already know the answer to the question in the title of this post, but it seems these two might be trying to give you some clues. Would you let Adam Lambert top you?

A face I'm all too familiar with...

The face of a winner, that is!

Kris, his parents (or, as I like to call them, "Mom and Dad"), his "wife" (ha!) and I have been celebrating all night and we haven't had a wink of sleep. But that's nothing new for Kris and me, if you catch my drift. It's been one hell of a ride, and now we can put this whole thing behind us and work on our duets album. Well, after the tour, of course.

Yes, that's right, I'll be blogging for Unzipped from the road as I join Kris and the others for the nationwide tour. What, you think I'd allow Kris to be out there alone on some tour bus with that flamboyant show pony with the wandering eye—the blind contestant Scott MacIntyre? Think again.

Now, for any of you thinking that Adam Lambert didn't win because America hates gay people, don't be so sure. Adam was gay when he beat out all the dozens of other contestants, week after week, so his glittery fabulousness obviously wasn't a problem then. Adam didn't win because at the end of the day, Kris' voice appeals to a broader range of mainstream, middle-American voters. And look at the bright side, Adam Lambert will go on to be known simply as "Adam Lambert," not the dreaded "American Idol winner," a title that has routinely been of no help to the majority of past winners.

All in all, it's a win-win for everyone. Because even when the fanfare for Kris dies down and he fades into Taylor Hicks-level obscurity...he'll still have me.

Thanks to all of you who voted for Kris, and we'll be seeing you on the road real soon!

Which one of these dreamboats is going to win American Idol

I will cut right to the chase, because really, I am more bored with writing about these two than you are reading about them here, if you can believe that. Plus, Kris is waiting for me to come join him in the Jacuzzi, where we will feed each other strawberries and whipped cream Cool Hwhip (we're pre-partying before the finale tonight).

So, Adam Lambert and Kris Allen. They are both wonderful, and they will both do just fine, no matter what happens tonight. But play along, won't you?