Mormon leader: Satan makes you gay

First we were told that straight porn makes you gay, and now this old goblin from Utah is saying that it's actually Satan who makes you want to juggle balls in your mouth. Gah! WHICH IS IT?

People who are attracted to members of their own sex can change, an LDS general authority said Saturday, so they shouldn't let Satan persuade them they can't. Elder Bruce C. Hafen, a member of the First Quorum of the Seventy, spoke at the 19th annual conference of Evergreen International, a nonprofit group that helps Mormons "overcome homosexual behavior" and "diminish same-sex attraction."

Hafen promised attendees, "If you are faithful, on resurrection morning -- and maybe even before then -- you will rise with normal attractions for the opposite sex."

Whenever the devil -- whom Hafen referred to as "the adversary" -- tries to "convince you that you are hopelessly 'that way,' so that acting out your feelings is inevitable, he is lying," Hafen said. "He is the father of lies."

So confusing! Is it porn, or is it Satan? Or is it both?

Perhaps we should turn to the comments posted to this article on the Salt Lake Tribune website? Yes, let's do that. Because as everyone knows, it's in the comments to things posted on the Internet where the magic happens. Let's read some of them together, to find the truth...

—People do have a choice to be good or evil, to be an honest person or a dishonest person, to be faithful to his wife or be a cheater, or be gay or not gay. It is up to you. Anyone who tells you different does not really care about you.

—Why is it that almost 50% of all serial killers are homosexual? Can we say, "mental illness"? John Wayn Gacey, Jeffrey Dahmer, Andrew Cunanan, Ed Smith, even the only known femal serial killer in the U.S. was a lesbian. Even in history, homosexuals were some of the most evil people ever to grace the earth: According to several books, including _The Pink Swastika_ ,Adolf Hitler, Ernst Roehm, Joseph Goebbels, Rudolf Hess, and many other Nazi leaders were all homosxual.

—Why do gay people remind me of that perv Peewee Herman?

—If being a "homophobe" means I'm grossed out by "men" who enjoy being naked/fondling other "men" and say its normal ~ so be it.

—Why does it have to only be TWO people? What if there are three or more people who love each other equally, do not they have the right to marry who they love? What if a bisexual wants to marry one person from both sexes? After all that is their "natural" attraction, right? If one allows homosexuals to marry based on their "sexual preference" and who they "love", how would it then be fare to deny more than one spouse for a bisexual?

—I'm not saying homosexuality and pedophilia are similar in every way (pedophilia is much worse, morally--IMO) but I think they are similar in that they are both sexual deviations.

—The resistance to the phony gay lifestyle is increasing which is the correct thing to do. If only they would get rid of their whiny nasal voices.

—I am pretty sure it isnt in your DNA and this dude is right- what kinda good come from sticken things in yer butthole anyways?

—If there is a gene which forces one to be gay, then why can't there be a gene which forces one to become attracted to asian woman for that matter? I think it's a legitimate question. Not trying to stir the pot.

—Are there really that much of gays in Utah?

I would choose to be straight if the Salt Lake Tribune commenters would choose to cut off all of their fingers.

Comments

[Satan]

Hey peeps,

Satan here. These Mormans have got it all wrong. I am Joseph Smith and I hate homos. Who do you think pulled the Morman's puppet strings to make them spend $80 million on passing Prop. 8 and helped kill the California economy? That was me. Yay me!

It's hot down here in hell and I don't want any naked guys rubbing up against me. Send them all to heaven. In fact, send all of the men to heaven. Sex with men is wrong, but sex with 47 wives rules! Oh, and sex is only gay if it's anal. I like women who enjoy some mutual vay jay jay. But don't drink soda. That's even worse than butt banging.

Unfortunately, I didn't come to earth as Joseph Smith until after the fundies turned that frickin' hippie Jesus' message of love into hate. Had I come up with the Book of Morman sooner, I could have ruled all of Christianity. Oh, well. I only have all of eternity to catch up.

Mwahhahahahahahah!

[JANORM]

Radicalism in any movement is a response of a-last-gasp-for-life reaction. The fool-hardy, naive, and irresponsible reactions will only get more vapid as their struggle becomes more senseless. The more radical they become the more rapid their credibility is affected. Eventually, they are relegated to a small footnote in the history of mankind along with the other refuse long since discarded. Such is the history of mankind. NJMJr!

[John Chapman]

I felt the need to comment after reading this horrible posting by the Mormon leader and the comments that people made from his posting.
As a former Mormon from the state of Idaho, I feel shame about being told that Satan made me gay. It's really too bad that they are dismissing the science that has backed up the gay gene. As a man who has known he was gay all his life even in the repressed states in the Northwest(no easy feat coming out there btw), all I feel is shame that people still compare homosexuality to serial killers and the Nazis and make homophobic comments about our voices and where we like intercourse. I don't criticize the way you live your lives or make comments about your speech.
If the LDS Church wants to practice what they preach about respect and love, then they should start by closing the mouth of their leader and stop talking badly about the gay population. Just saying...

[Keith Strong]

That freakin' hilarious comment from Satan aside, as a real-life Utah former-Mormon gay guy, let me just suggest: Everyone calm the hell down.

Mormons (Baptists, most Christians, etc.) have held these opinions forever. Heck, it's their Church, let 'em have their beliefs.

Here's the real question: How can we change hearts and minds? Since The Government can't force people to act in loving and kind ways, no matter how many laws they pass, "the gay community" has to encourage those SL Tribune posters to see gay people in a new way. Here's how my lover of 13 years and myself are doing it:

We've lived happily and peacefully in a beautiful Salt Lake suburb for years. Our Mormon neighbors have come to know "the gay guys," and we've become part of the neighborhood fabric. No one questions our place in this community -- they know us and love us, and we return the feelings.

Bottom line: People with ignorant beliefs about our "lifestyle" are just that: ignorant. They aren't all evil, or stupid -- we've found that the vast majority of them are good people with great hearts and have just never had another picture of gay life presented to them. Let's give them that other picture. We get in their face and you get the response you read in the tribune comments section.