GOP Chief of Staff: Even straight porn makes 11-year-old boys gay

Everyone knows that watching gay porn will instantly make you gay, but now you can't even watch straight porn without turning into a homosexual! This statement of fact comes to us from Senator Tom Coburn's (R) Chief of Staff, Michael Schwartz, who spoke at the "Values Voters Summit" over the weekend. You may not know who he is, but sometimes even the most obscure people have the most insightful things to say.

Schwartz was speaking on a panel called "The New Masculinity" when he invoked young boys, porn, and the gays, which are hot topics for Republicans.

Here is what he said about adolescent boys:

But it is my observation that boys at that age have less tolerance for homosexuality than just about any other class of people. They speak badly about homosexuality. And that’s because they don’t want to be that way. They don’t want to fall into it. And that’s a good instinct. After all, homosexuality, we know, studies have been done by the National Institute of Health to try to prove that its genetic and all those studies have proved its not genetic. Homosexuality is inflicted on people.

I'm feeling a little bit gay just reading this.

Then, Schwartz told a story about a "friend" of his who used to be gay. This "friend" told Michael Schwartz all about gays and porn and young boys:

And one of the things that he said to me, that I think is an astonishingly insightful remark. He said, “all pornography is homosexual pornography because all pornography turns your sexual drive inwards. Now think about that. And if you, if you tell an 11-year-old boy about that, do you think he’s going to want to go out and get a copy of Playboy? I’m pretty sure he’ll lose interest. That’s the last thing he wants.” You know, that’s a, that’s a good comment. It’s a good point and it’s a good thing to teach young people.

By turning "your sexual drive inwards," I think he's referring to masturbating. So, in short, jerking off makes you gay, no matter what you're jerking off to. And what could be more gay than a guy touching his own cock? Gross!

Comments

[Marco Channing]

This man should be removed from office. Fucking moron! I bet he believes leeches cure illness and the earth is flat too. People like this make me want to speak with an accent so no one knows that I am American.

[JANORM]

This just shows the world how ignorant and stupid some so called 'morality experts' can stoope too. Their hedonisic hypocracy is beyond even the slightest glimpse of morality. The more radical they become the faster their destruction is assured. That is the nature of human history. There are more foot notes to mankind's history than anybody can dream about. Some are major cultures and religions that have been relegated to historical references because of the stoic and iconic beliefs. NJMJr!

[JANORM]

If even a part of that idea were true, This planet would not be an E-Planet (earth type planet), but a G-Planet(gay type planet), totally over-run by gays! NJMJr!

[Don West]

Trust me if u look long enough, hard enough, and deep enough u will find this facist homophobe to me a closet queer like most of those holier than thou Republicans...start digging....