Are you a sex addict? Take this hot quiz and find out!

The other day, I stumbled upon this nifty website for deviant sluts looking to be cured of their awful sexual addictions, including pornography! Again, I stumbled upon this site by accident.

Anyways, it's called Lifestar, and they have offices with therapists all over the country. They also have "programs," that are split into "phases," so there is hope for everyone, even you.

First, let's look at a real life example from someone who calls herself "Melissa":

“Melissa” found a cache of graphic pornographic images under the bed she shared with her husband of nine years. The photos included images of nude women, women with men, women with women and close-up body shots – a discovery so upsetting that Melissa immediately confronted her husband. He was enraged over her ‘invasion of privacy,’ claiming the photos had no bearing on their relationship. But when Melissa found porn movies burned to CD-rom in her husband’s car soon after, her suspicions were confirmed. Her husband had an addiction he could not control – an addiction they learned had been triggered by horrible early childhood experiences and substituted for an earlier addiction to alcohol.

Scary stuff. Are you like this gross husband, or are you even worse? Take the Lifestar quiz with me, after the jump!

Here are their questions, followed by my honest answers.

Do you ever feel bad or uncomfortable about your sexual behavior?

Yes! Slings can be terribly uncomfortable.

Do you become restless or irritable when you are unable to engage in sexual behavior?

What does "unable to engage in sexual behavior" mean? Do not understand.

Do you ever feel guilt, shame, remorse or depression about your sexual behavior?

I might feel that way, but then again it could just be gas.

Have you tried and failed to control the amount of sexual activity you engage in?

What does "control the amount of sexual activity you engage in" mean? Do not understand.

Has your need for sexually-related behaviors ever made you abandon your values or go against your better judgment?

Yes, just once. But I was 18 and in Tijuana and the harness looked securely fastened around that donkey.

Do you resort to pornography, or other sexual activities to escape from your problems, relieve anxiety or cope with stress?

Well, I did use pornography once to cope with the stress of my failed attempt to have sexual activities with a hooker when I was having an anxiety attack at a gay resort. Does that count?

Do you feel a need to conceal from others either the nature or frequency of your sexual activities?

Yes, like Melissa's husband, I hide my CD-ROMs in my car because I was an alcoholic. But I don't see you walking children in nature! Stop judging me.

Do you lead a secret or double life?

If by "secret" you mean "cock shot with no face" on Manhunt, uh, yes.

So, a little quick math shows two yes's + three no's - one maybe * four don't know's= Big Whore.

How did you score?

Comments

[Jeff Funk]

Omg, totally funny! Your answers made me laugh out loud.