Why are America's mayors all gay, and why have they all taken illegal lovers?

And, why do they all look strangely alike?

On the left we have Sam Adams, the Portland Mayor who we may have mentioned once or seven million times here on Unzipped because he had a relationship with an underage intern named Beau Breedlove. And on the right is San Angelo, Texas Mayor J.W. Lown, who broke up with his job this week via text message (seriously, he texted in his resignation) because of his gay illegal alien lover.

Apparently, Lown was a very popular mayor and had been elected to four terms, even though some people had already known he was gay (and in Texas!), but dating someone with an expired green card? Sorry, that's crossing the line. Lown is currently sipping margaritas with his papi chulo (who is waiting for a permanent US visa) somewhere south of the border, living the good life.

Why is it so hard for our hot gay mayors to fall in love with someone who is not an underage Mexican?