Sex Toy Road Test: Strokin’ with the gummi penis

 

By Cameron Brady

Promises, Promises: “Superior suction! Supertight, stretchy masturbator!”

Item: Colt Beaded Stroker

What It Looks Like: Remember the first time you saw a beer-can cock with a big mushroom head? (Don’t get too excited—it’s not going in that end.) The stroker is like a big Gummi penis: It’s just over seven inches high and four inches wide, made of clear, phthalate-free thermoplastic rubber material. There’s a quarter-inch ribbed well in the middle (it looks like a screw) flanked by two sets of small black “power beads” (six on each side) embedded in the material. The beads are linked together, apparently to prevent them from dislodging during use. The top is wider than the shaft and is in the shape of (I think) an anus, though you might see big puckered lips if you concentrate.

The Road Test: Wow, I’ve never felt such responsibility while jacking off. It was like I was part of the Olympic crew team: I envisioned a coxswain (or cox for short—how appropriate) behind my couch, shouting “Stroke! Stroke!” and backed by a group of equally enthusiastic cheerleaders shaking come-colored pom-poms as they also offered encouragement: “Gimme an S! Gimme a T!” So I took a deep breath, cleared my mind, and focused on the task at (ahem) hand.

Unfortunately, my first foray wasn’t timed so well. Having not released a load in over two weeks (don’t ask), I quickly discovered that putting a tight hole that warms up with movement around my shaft—and popping in some of my favorite porn (the shower scene with Active Duty’s Cole getting his monster schlong serviced in Hard Corps 2)—resulted in an early conclusion. So early, in fact, that I had to come back for a second session the next night.

For giggles, I first tried to get inside dry. Not a good idea, folks. Trust me. Keep some lube close by, because you’ll need it. (They recommend water-based.) I’d also suggest using your fingers to spread the hole really wide for the initial application. Once you get that baby on, you’re good to go—but don’t hurt yourself getting inside.

After entry is accomplished, it’s a nice warm home. I quickly decided to see what those beads had to offer. You can opt for two settings: flanking the sides of your dick or the underside and top of your cock, which I found to be more pleasurable. Giving that baby a little squeeze as it slides under your head is pretty nice.
There are a couple of techniques to use. You can focus on your shaft, squeezing and stroking with your head outside, or you can move up the device so it completely envelops your head. Both are good options. Then there’s the aggressive free-for-all, where you frantically slam that sucker up and down like you just don’t care. (I’d say put your hands in the air, but, duh!) I tried this and quickly noticed I needed a little more lube. Once I got my psycho stroke going again, one of the bead rows decided to move up a notch, so at present the two rows are no longer aligned.

I found that this was a fun toy to “abuse” my dick with. The stroker is like a bodyguard, a Sumo fat suit for your cock just screaming for attention. I suddenly became Mike Tyson, and my cock was, um, any woman. My Weeble wobbled, but he always came back up for more—this was the most fun I had with the gadget. After my third jack-off, I noticed this on the box: “Intended for use as a novelty product only.” Fearing I should have just wrapped it up as a bachelor party gift, I nervously waited to see if my peter turned green. Thankfully, it’s as fleshy as ever, so feel free to fuck the shit outta this Gummi hole.

Cleanup: The box doesn’t tell you, but a little digging yielded this: Run water through it after each use. (Squirting with your dick head uncovered will yield less mess for you retentive types.) As for storage, this buddy is pretty sticky—a momentary lapse of concentration had it plunging to my carpet, where it quickly got acquainted with a wide assortment of hair, fibers and other mystery material. So treat it like a prince—I’d recommend a fresh Ziploc bag each time.

Wrap-up: The Colt Beaded Stroker is a fun little distraction that can slightly spice up your strokes and is even more fun when used as a peter protector from playful abuse.

Alternate Use: Wacky wall crawler

Available at: Colt Studio Store

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