Be A Dick: Whorish past confession

Dear Dick,

I have a new boyfriend. We’ve been dating about two months now, and things are going very well. One problem: He’s incredibly uptight about sex. His body language is all crossed arms and his verbal cues are incredibly negative. Sex to him isn’t just dirty, it’s something we should all be ashamed of. I’m perfectly willing to be sexually involved with him and even to be monogamous, because that’s obviously what he’s about. But my question is about my own sexual past. I have one and he barely does. In fact, he’s been mostly celibate for much of his adult life, and I’ve been a serious slut. I went to a bathhouse for the last time right around the time we began dating and just yesterday he said, in regard to an unrelated statement by a friend, that he would never date anyone who’d ever been to a bathhouse. Do I tell him that I have? Do I tell him everything else? Am I setting myself up for a doomed relationship if I do or if I don’t?

Confused About Confessing

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Dear C+C,

If this man is as sexually tied up in knots as you suggest, and if you’re as sexually free as you say, his distaste for bathhouses isn’t your main problem. You two may be sexually incompatible on the most basic level. Not that he’d need to indulge your promiscuity, but if you plan on monogamy with this man, he’s going to have to step up to the plate and bring the lovin’ or you’re going to be deeply unhappy. Obviously sex isn’t the only thing that goes into making a relationship work, but Dear Dick sees way too many people downplaying its importance or considering their own needs to be shallow or frivolous. They’re not. Sex is as important as laughter or money or politics or emotional compatibility. It’s the equal of everything else that goes into making a life with another person work properly. Dear Dick cautiously suggests you tell your new man that you have had a very prolific sexual past and see how he responds. If he freaks out then that’s your first warning. And if he’s unwilling to be sexual with you, the man he claims he’s so into, then this might not be the beginning of a healthy relationship. Sounds like a counselor could help him.