Some GayVN Award nominations we'd love to see

The "What Were They Thinking?" award goes to...the GayVN Awards (a.k.a. "the Oscars of gay porn") nominating committee!

We're not saying these guys were smoking crack or anything, but how else to explain some of the more egregious snubs in this year's roster of nominees? Seriously, no love for RandyBlue.com or SeanCody.com in the Best Website category? And Men magazine's Man of the Year, Reese Rideout, was completely ignored in the Best Web Performer category, along with fellow Blue boys Chris Rockway and Jeremy Walker. Where's the justice?

Sure, there were some nice surprises: Legendary director Joe Gage was showered with nods (including Best Director and Best Screenplay) for his break-and-entry fuckfest Home Invasion, while burly silver bear Jake Cruise's much-deserved nomination is a victory for Average Joes everywhere. (We can't all look like Matthew Rush!) And Damien Crosse and Francesco D'Macho's uber-hot site StagHomme.com picked up a nomination for Site of the Year. (Hell, we could watch Damien Crosse making toast, and we would still want to rub one out.) Meanwhile, all the usual suspects were once again present: Raging Stallion picked up 51 nominations (16 of them deservedly for their "killer" Western opus To the Last Man), Lucas Entertainment racked up an impressive list of nods for its two-part Return to Fire Island, and Falcon was slathered with attention for their two-part wedding flick Best Men.

But the list of deserving folks who got the shaft (and not the good kind) is almost as long as nominee Barrett Long's cock. It's not like the nominating committee was trying to keep the list short. Seriously, what's up with 16 nominees for Best Picture? We know you're trying to please your advertisers, folks, but did you have to nominate everybody and his brother just so their feelings didn't get hurt?  Sheesh.

Oh, well. At least Unzipped parent company Here Media was nominated for its triple-X exposé Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Porn Stars But Were Afraid to Ask. There is some justice in this world.

All of this got us thinking about some of the nominees we would have liked to have seen this year. Here are just a few of them:

Best Use of Household Appliances in a Sex Scene: The scene in which Tristan Jaxx fucks R.J. Danvers with a wrench in To the Last Man. Metal tools never had it so good!

Best Reason to Ignore Your Mom's Advice Not to Pick Up a Hitchhiker: Super-hot, super-hung D.O. from Black Scorpion's Sex Hiker, whose sex drive is as insatiable as a Republican senator in a room full of underage interns.

Title That Makes You Think the Movie is Much Nastier Than It Is: Raging Stallion's BarBack. Add an e in there and the sales would have gone through the roof.

Best Reason to Get Pissed Off That Our Invitation Evidently Got "Lost in the Mail": Pantheon Productions' Amateur Daddy Orgy, whose cast of handsome father figures makes us long for being taught a lesson. Or two. Or three.

Porn Star We'd Most Like to Run Into in a Dark Alley (tie): Tony Buff or Ricky Sinz—or, better yet, both!

The "We're Shocked He's Still Alive" Award: Erik Rhodes. If you've read his blog, you know exactly what we're talking about.

Director Who Should Be a Porn Star: Raging Stallion's Tony DiMarco. Wooof, daddy!

Best Title That Makes Us Feel Like We're Being Politically Incorrect Saying It: Pitbull Productions' Spread Dat Butta.

The "What's He Complaining About?" Award: Scott Tanner, who almost makes us think he didn't enjoy getting faux raped by Ricky Sinz and Logan McCree in To the Last Man. Almost.

Best Reason to Have a Woman Around During Gay Sex: Mr. Pam, whose gorgeous cinematography on movies like Sex Hiker and Cuma Sutra makes the men look like beautiful golden gods. Plus, she's a hoot.

Best Reason to Have Been Goldilocks in Another Life: The Drifter's hunky bear Vinnie D'Angelo, who finds love with Logan McCree in a remote cabin in the woods. Seriously, we love us some Vinnie. As Goldie herself might have said, "Everything about him is just riiiiight."

Best Reasons to Hang Out With More Straight Guys: RandyBlue's Chris Rockway, Reese Rideout, and Jeremy Walker, and JakeCruise.com's David Taylor. These guys have no problem sucking and fucking other dudes before heading out for a brewskie afterward—and they actually look as if they're enjoying it! If this is what "straight" means today, we're totally missing out.

Title That Least Makes Us Want to Whip It Out: Heavenly Hunks' Love Story

Movie That Most Makes Us Want to Put It Back In: Raging Stallion's Sounding, where all the guys stick metal rods down their urethras. Say it with us, kids: Ouch!

Porn Star We'd Most Want to Shack Up With: Scott Tanner. Beautiful body, great smile, big dick, friendly persona, and a nasty bedside manner. To quote Carrie Bradshaw: "Hello, lover!"

Comments

[Bob Alottarod]

Well, the expression WOOOOFFF, DADDY! is about as fresh as the office bathroom. But I have to agree with you about Tony Dimarco. He gets my vote ANY day!

[TOny]

yess! I love D.O:!! "Sexhiker" and Black Scorpion Video... they will win all the nominations,, my vote for him from Berlin..!
check his blog page www.dionisioheiderscheid.blogspot.com