Was Piglet a gay stutterer?

Photo: Getty Images

Apparently it's a slow news day, or maybe my brain hasn't fully recovered from the long weekend, but this appears to be a very important question that needs to be addressed: Was everyone's favorite Winnie The Pooh BFF, Piglet, a closeted gay stutterer? 

My morning routine of reading absurd and inappropriate material on the Internet led me to a Gay and Lesbian Stutterers Support Group called "Passing Twice." Yes, there is a support group for gay people who stutter. Here's why they're called Passing Twice:

Twice, we come out of the closet. Twice, we choose between community and isolation. Twice, we contend with well-meaning professionals who want to make us "normal." Twice, we deal with families who don't fully accept us. Twice, we create our own circles of understanding friends. As men and women who have been through struggles twice, we have much to offer, both to people who stutter and to the gay and lesbian community.

Twice, I had to read the above to make sure I wasn't still drunk from Saturday night. So, does everyone who has been through a "struggle" get their own support group? Do they have one for the children of gay stutterers or the parents of gay stutterers? (Passing Thrice?) By the way, saying the word 'stutterers' is hard, and it almost makes me stutter!

Anyway, they have a very boring and depressing website with a lot of creepy pictures of their members, but one of their pages, which tackles the issue of Piglet, is a must read. This post is already 10 zillion words too long, so let's cut to the chase.

Here's their PWS (Piglet Who Stutters) abstract:

Casual observation of Walt Disney films featuring the Winnie-the-Pooh characters suggests that the character Piglet is a PWS (piglet who stutters). Following a brief, but significant, discussion on the Passing Twice Yahoo group regarding Piglet’s sexual preferences, this paper examines the primary sources (Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh, 1926, henceforth WP; Milne, The House at Pooh Corner, 1928, henceforth HPC) for evidence of his dysfluency and homosexuality.

And I thought I had too much spare time on my hands. The completely serious dissertation can be read here, but I've snipped the most, uh, interesting parts out for your reading pleasure.

Mr. Shepard has depicted our hero wearing a curious, tight, sleeveless garment, clearly made from artificial fiber, and color editions reveal him to be pink.

This is convincing! That the illustrator would choose to make Piglet, a pig, pink means something.

The sole dark cloud on the landscape is the Pooh-Piglet-Christopher Robin love triangle. The close nature of Piglet’s friendship with Pooh is apparent throughout both volumes, and Piglet’s lust for Christopher Robin, and the latter’s counter-affection for the bear, have already been noted. Sadly, this tangle must end in disappointment for at least one party, and, here it is Piglet that suffers most. Within twelve pages of Piglet agreeing to move in with Pooh (HPC:ch.9), then the honey-loving cad elopes to An Enchanted Place with the young gentleman (ibid:ch.10).

I always knew there was something scandalous about that whore Christopher Robin! Leave it to the shifty twink bottom to ruin our poor Piglet's romance with his bear soul mate. Luckily, there is still some hope for him.

We have not yet mentioned Eeyore, whose affection for Piglet is hinted at in his description of his friend as the “little fellow with the excited ears” (WP:ch.10) and comment that Piglet is his ‘favorite size’ (ibid:ch.6). Piglet’s gift of violets (remembering the symbolism of that color) to this cuddly donkey (HPC:ch.5) may lead to a fulfilling new romance and much frisking of tails (ibid:ch.4).

Alright, this is even too much for me. I could see Pooh and Piglet as pole smokers, but not Eeyore. He was always so sad, and everyone knows that all gay people are animated and buoyant, like Richard Simmons and Tom Cruise and Tigger.

Now, what about Piglet's alleged stutter? They have a conclusion!

The harsh truth is that Piglet does not stutter: he is just a bit nervous. Presumably, the cinematic stutter was devised by Disney to enhance his charms to a discerning audience. Piglet is gentle, thoughtful and brave, and does not let his small size affect his enjoyment of life. He shows us that our imperfections need not devastate our lives.

Turns out our Piglet is just gay and not a stutterer. But it almost sounds like they're disappointed that Piglet isn't a stutterer. Oh well. Hey, there are worse things you can do on the Internet than use a fictional baby pig's sexuality and lack of a speech impediment to further your support group's agenda, such as blogging about a support group's use of a fictional baby pig's sexuality and lack of a speech impediment to further their agenda.

Comments

[Marco Channing]

I have no words...

[bob alottarodd]

If you tell me that Lowly Worm was gay too, my ultimate 3-way fantasy will be complete. It was the boot & hat that gave Lowly away; no straight worms have that much fashion sense.